you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize