I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize