im having a threesome with these popsicles
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
