i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
