we have officially lost it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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