I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
