Are we in a gay sports bar?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
