24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
