It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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