i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i love accidental penises.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
