I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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