the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
