the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
