We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
