This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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