I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
