i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
