just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
