Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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