Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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