so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
