apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize