People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it glows. i had to have it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
