You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
