Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
