Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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