i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
