Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
now i know why i became what i already was.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
