Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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