Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
