No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
