Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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