I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
