At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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