we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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