can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't deserve a penis
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Randomize
