It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
