update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
