my vag is so smooth its legendary
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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