just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need moral support for this bender
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
