a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
