Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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