why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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