If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
