OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
