I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
