i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
