i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
