Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Watching her eat just hurts me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
