dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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