Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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