I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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