Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize