"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
