I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
