My hand turned me down
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
