sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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