he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
