At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
