Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
