a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The maid of honor just puked.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
