the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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