His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
