At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Even my vagina gasped.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
