I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
