She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So vagazzling was a success
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize